moments that steal my heart

Have you ever had moments where your heart is captured when you least expected? or have you thought that you loved someone as much as you could or would, and then suddenly you're falling in love again? i've had moments like that. many of them. and all in the last few days.

Sometimes when i'm leaning over Sonia's  and talking to her, she reaches up her chubby little brown hand and touches my face, exploring the way my nose, my lips, my cheeks feel. Other times she studies my face with schooled intensity, her dark brown eyes like endless pools of chocolate that i could get lost in. Or she grasps my finger and holds on tight. And sometimes when she cries, my heart squeezes tightly, and i just wish i could take away her discomfort (this usually happens when she's getting examined, so there's really nothing i can do about it!). sometimes when she wakes at night for a feeding at a time i'd really rather be sleeping, she grasps my hair in her little fist, and i just can't begrudge her being hungry :-)

I wasn't expecting this time with Sonia to result in such a deep connection and love; sometimes it quite honestly overwhelms me. Maybe it would be easier to feel more separate and distant, but i believe that this love has come from God.

last evening i was surfing the internet wile sonia napped (i'm so glad they've got wireless here!!!), and i found this song by Racal Flatts. I love a good country song, and that's what this one is. Here are the lyrics:

Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go

'It's like a storm that cuts a path; it breaks your will, it feels like that. 
You think you're lost, but you're not lots on your own. You're not alone. I will stand by you, i will help you through; when you've done all you can do, if you can't cope, i will dry your eyes, i will fight your fight, i will hold you tight, and i won't let go. 


it hurts my heart to see you cry. I know it's dark, this part of life. Oh it finds us all, and we're too small to stop the rain. Oh, but when it rains...


i will stand by you. I will help you through. When you've done all you can do and you can't cope, i will dry your eyes, i will fight your fight, i will hold you tight. 
And i won't let you fall. Don't be afraid to fall; i'm right here to catch you. i won't let you down - it won't get you down! you're gonna make it, yea, i know you can make it!'


This is really a song that could be sung as though it's God speaking to our hearts. It may describe kind of how i feel about Sonia, but i know that the only one who can love and care with such depth is God Himself. And this is his promise both to Sonia and to me: He's going to be with us through every step of the way, and He's going to guide every person who has been or will be involved in Sonia's care. I thank God for each and every one of those people!