Returning

This is the way I got to spend the week. A walk down the lane of memory as I 

worked to visualize and articulate a pivotal moment of my life. 

Where I'm From

It's been a long time since I've posted something on this blog, and for all I know, it could be three years before i post again. My life has certainly not been boring these last years, but if you REALLY want to know, you can ask me! 

I'm just going to start from now - me sitting in my Digital Image Design course working on a digital storytelling project, which is my newly named passion. I was so excited when I heard about this concept because it articulated what I knew I loved but couldn't exactly explain. So what is Digital Storytelling? It's a method of sharing stories through still or moving images, words, narration, music.... There is something wonderful about having a label for what I find myself drawn to - it satisfies the need to categorize and make it fit somewhere. Where is this going to take me? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm trusting the One who does. To start, here's a little bit of my story. 

What's yours?

One Step at a Time

Some mark the passage of time in years, beginning in January and ending in December. I however, seem to be more inclined to mark it by significant events or dates in my life. It may seem that all I ever write about is Haiti, and the dates associated with it, but I promise that those are not the only things of importance that happen to me! However, even as I say that, that is exactly what this blog is about...but it's not so much about the date as it is about the amazing awesomeness of God! 

At this time last year, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life as I was faced with the reality of my departure from Haiti after having lived there for two years. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was God's will and plan for me to leave Haiti, and I had an inexplicable peace about it. But that didn't make it easy. Looking back on my journal entries, I found an excerpt that articulates what I was going through very well: 

"I am learning something about peace. Peace does not mean that there will not be pain, or that things will be easy. Rather there is peace in knowing that, not matter the circumstance, I can run to the arms of my Saviour and find shelter in the One who loves me and cares for my heart more an anyone could.... Peace comes in knowing that no matter what changes life brings, God is my Constant. God did not promise ease - He promised to be there when it's hard (and good), and that it will be worth it all."

Reflecting on this past year, I can say with absolute confidence that God has been very near and at work. I got to be present for various significant milestones in the lives of my family members, and I was privileged to spend nine incredible, sacred weeks at Ellerslie Leadership Training in Windsor, Colorado last fall. It was a time of great growth in my relationship with Jesus; I learned more fully what it means when God calls us to live a life of obedience to Him. It is absolutely amazing to think that the One who created the entire universe would wish to call me His child and bring me into fellowship with Him. There is nothing that I possess that He could possibly need, yet He chooses to work in and through me, imperfect though I am! Words fail to describe the wonder of God :-)

Since then, I have had the privilege of working with young moms and their babies at Ramoth House in my hometown, encouraging and supporting them, by God's grace, as they begin the great task of mothering. I've also had the pleasure of learning all kinds of fun little details about the business of fish bait; I had no idea the worms were such complex creatures! It may not be a glamorous side-job, but it has definitely been part of the way God has provided! I know that this is all part of the reason that God brought me back home to Ontario. There are things He wants me to learn and understand that, for whatever reason, I could not in Haiti. It's simply that He leads us all in different ways; I may never fully understand the reasons for the ways God has directed my life and will direct it in the future. But that's why I must live by faith. If there's one thing that I have learned, it is that God's ways are perfect. They are not easy, but they are the best, and there is no place I'd rather be than in the centre of His will. For now, that place is right here with my family, my friends, my church, my co-workers, my community.... I am far from forgetting my beloved Haiti, and am learning to pray for her people from afar, to root for and dream for the little nation that I know God is at work in and has great plans for. One day God may lead me back to work in Haiti, but today He has called me here, and asks me to be faithful in each task.

"Lord, Thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or even Thou hadst formed the earth and the the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, Thou art God." 

Psalm 90:1-2

Five Years Ago ...

It's been five years since I first met and fell in love with a little island tucked away in the West Indies. Just over five years since I stepped off the plane on the dark February evening and felt the island heat blast against my face. Just over five years since I first rode up the winding mountain road that led to the place that has become my second home. These five years have been filled with joys and sorrows, challenges and triumphs, heartbreaking goodbyes and joyful reunions. Much has happened in those years, and I am continually reminded of how privileged I am to have had so incredible an opportunity. God has been so very faithful, and will remain faithful. That's just one thing I have learned in the past five years! 

Ayiti, Cheri, mwen sanje ou chak jou! 

"All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Saviour, I surrender all."

"...unto Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think..." Ephesians 3:20

When God Speaks

Sometimes God speaks through the beauty of His creation, like when you wake up in the middle of the night to watch the meteor shower, and see multiple 'stars' shoot through the sky and think of how huge the galaxy is. And how amazing it is that the constellations are so far away from Earth that the same formations can be seen in Canada as are seen in Haiti? 

Sometimes God speaks through children and babies - when they do or say something that once again reminds you how precious and amazing the very fact of life is. Or when a tiny, tiny baby lays all swaddled up and even if not full term, he or she has all his fingers and toes and a perfect little nose.

Sometimes God speaks directly to our hearts. Sometimes it comes as a surprise, and other times because we've been intentional about spending time with Him.

And other times He speaks through the Bible and the written word. That's what happened to me this morning. I was thinking to myself that today marks two weeks left in Haiti, and was boggled at the realization. As my friend and coworker opened our devotional book to spend our daily time with God, the date jumped out at me again. August 14th. But soon it wasn't so much the date that stood out to me as it was the content of the devotion. As i read it out loud after having heard it once, it really spoke to me. This is what it said:

"I am yours for all eternity. I am the Alpha and the Omega: the One who is and was and is to come. The world you inhabit is a place of constant changes--more than your mind can absorb without going into shock. Even the body you inhabit is changing relentlessly, in spite of modern science's attempts to prolong youth and life indefinitely. I, however, am the same yesterday and today and forever.

Because I never change, your relationship with Me provides a rock-solid foundation for your life. I will never leave your side. When you move on from this life to the next, My Presence beside you will shine brighter with each step. You have nothing to fear, because I am with you for all time and throughout eternity."

Revelation 1:8; Hebrews 13:8; Psalm 102:25-27; Psalm 48:14
(bolding mine)
From 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young

Source: http://sarahyoungdevotions.blogspot.com/2012/08/august-14.html

It was exactly what I needed today. It amazes me when stuff like this happens. The author had no idea that on this particular day, i would need to read those words, and she certainly didn't write them specifically for me - but it sure felt like it! God knew exactly what I needed to hear, and He used the work of this author. 

"You have nothing to fear, because I am with you for all time and throughout eternity...."

"And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." Matthew 28:20

Amazed.

Some days I am amazed at how incredibly blessed I am to be a part of this organization and to be a part of these kids lives. To know that when I enter the nursery, the kids will grin at me, yell for my attention, or latch onto my leg (as annoying as that may be) is pretty cool. And to have a pretty sure confidence that when I open that bright blue gate and enter the yard at the Toddler House, someone is probably going to start chanting my name and want me to hang out with them is a good self-esteem booster to say the least! :-)

Today several verses from Psalms stood out in my mind; i'm sure they were placed there as a reminder from God. The verses are from Psalm 37, and this is what they say:

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.......

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. 

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the Lord upholds him with His hand."

verses 4-5 & 23-24

TRUST in the Lord, FEED on His faithfulness. Wow. I forget that too often. I forget to trust, or I think that I have things under control, or doubt that God would have things in order already. In good times and bad, I need to remember to draw close to God and revel in His faithfulness - be amazed at it and reminded of it and ever conscious of it. God is faithful in the little things in life, and He can certainly handle the big things!
And then - DELGHT yourself in the Lord. Think about it. "Delight yourself in the Lord - and He will give you the desires of your heart." I think this can easily be misinterpreted. We could think that if we learn to delight in and love the Lord, we will automatically get all those things we want. However, what I understand it to really mean is that as I delight myself in the Lord, the desires of my heart should start to look less like my own ambitions or wants, and more like those of God. God's ways are perfect. I have hopes and dreams for my life, and some of them may certainly be from God Himself, but I know that God's ways are so much higher than mine. I need to trust Him lead me - not try to jump ahead and work things out on my own. He has shown me over and over in the past that His plans far outweigh what I thought was possible or even what I'd hoped for. He wants me to COMMIT my way to Him, TRUST Him to be faithful, and ALLOW Him to bring it to pass in His perfect time and way. He had plans for my life (and every person's life) before I breathed my first breath, and He has set them before me, whether I can see them yet or not. God takes great pleasure in seeing His version of our life stories come to pass - He DELIGHTS in it. 
When I fall, am discouraged, or am hurt, the Lord holds me up with His hand. He is there through the joys, He holds my hand or carries me through the trials. He does not do this because I deserve it. He does it because even though He knows every one of my faults and weaknesses, He somehow still views me as precious and looks on me with this incredible love and acceptance that I could never hope to earn. How amazing is that??

Hungry ~ Kathryn Scott

Hungry, I come to you / For I know You satisfy / I am empty, but I knowYour love does not run dry / So I wait for you / So I wait for You / I’m falling on my knees / Offering all of me / Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for.

      Broken, I run to You / For Your arms are open wide

I am weary, but I know / Your touch restores my life / So I wait for you / So I wait for You / I’m falling on my knees / Offering all of me / Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for.

God never said it would be easy.....

Whoever (and by 'whoever' I mean Alfred Lord Tennyson) said 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' probably was right. But sometimes, when the 'losing' part of 'loved and lost' stands before you, it feels like it might have been easier to never have loved in the first place. Not better, mind you. Just easier. Then there's Kahlil Gibran who says 'Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.' Truer words were never spoken, I don't think!

I feel like as the time for my departure draws closer, (and i really try to avoid thinking about it too much, but it's getting a little hard to keep doing that) I have to keep reminding myself that this is what God is calling me to for now. One song that God keeps bringing me back to and speaking to my heart by it is called 'You Revive Me' by Christy Nockels. These are the lyrics:

You Revive Me ~ Christy Nockels

Chorus: You revive me / You revive me Lord / And all my deserts are rivers of joy / You are the treasure I could not afford / So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor / All for You / You revive me Lord / Verse 1: Lord I have seen Your goodness / And I know the way You are / Give me eyes to see You in the dark / And Your face shines a glory / That i only know in part / And there is still a longing /  A longing in my heart / Chorus / Verse 2: / My soul is thirsty / Only You can satisfy / You are the well that never will run dry / And i'll praise You for the blessing / For calling me Your friend / And in Your name I'm lifting / I'm lifting up my hands / Bridge:I / 'm aliveI'm alive / You breathe on me / You revive me. (source: http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=74148)

To Everything There is a Season

If you had asked me four or five years ago where I though I would be and what I would be doing by the time I was in my early twenties, I would not have even imagined that I would be where I am now. God has blessed me above and beyond anything I could have imagined. God took pretty much every idea I had for my life and altered it into what He saw as perfect. That is not to say that it has always been easy. It hasn't. But has it been worth it? Has God been faithful? YES! The past year and 10 months has been a time of stretching, growing, refining; joy, laughter, friendships; a deepening of my relationship with God, a greater appreciation for the work that goes on here at GLA and for all the staff members that make this ministry possible. I am humbled to have the opportunity to be a small part of it all. I truly believe that God brought me here for this season, probably as much to teach me things about myself (and especially to teach me things about Him), as He did for me to 'make a difference'. I have become more and more aware that without Him I would be nothing and could do nothing!

All that said, I have felt that God is calling me to a season of getting to know Him more intimately and having a greater understanding of His heart. I have the opportunity to attend a leadership training program called Ellerslie which is based in Windsor, Colorado. It is a nine week program that starts in October, and goes to mid-December. I'm looking forward to that time! Also, my brother is getting married in September (:-D!!!!), so I will be moving home at the end of August. It's exciting to look to what the rest of this year holds, but it is also extremely difficult to imagine what life will be like away from this organization that has become like my second home, these people who have become my second family, these babies and kids who unkowingly hold a huge portion of my heart, and this country that seems to 'pale nan ke m''(speak to my heart) like nothing else.

I do not look forward to the day that I pack up my suitcases, tell everyone goodbye (whether it be for a little or a long while), climb into the vehicle, bounce up that bumpy 'wout' one last time, drive through these familiar streets and head down the winding mountain road to the airport. I do not look forward to taking that last breath of Haiti air; to getting on that plane; to taking off and watching those beloved mountains (deye mon, gen mon. Behind the mountains, more mountains) get smaller and smaller and eventually disappear from view. If I thought it was hard the other times I did that, it's going to be ten times harder this time! However, I have a deep peace about this decision. I do not doubt that this is God's plan for the rest of this year. Anything beyond that, I do not know yet. He will reveal the next step in His perfect time. He never fails, and He will be there to carry me when I don't feel like I can do it on my own. A verse that I hold onto tightly is from Matthew 28:20 where it says '....and lo, I am with you always. Even unto the end of the world.' It does not matter where or to what God leads me; what matters is that He is with me!  He may bring me back here again, or He may lead me in a completely different direction. My job is to be open to the leading of the Lover of my soul!

This summer is going to be a busy one; I have new responsibilities to take on while one of my co-workers is in the States for two months and others are out for shorter periods. It is exciting to have this opportunity to try my hand at another role here, but it will keep me busy! Thankfully, I won't be alone! 

Before I know it, the next two months will be over. However, I will do my best to focus on each day as it comes and get the most out of/put the most into it that i can. I do not want to leave with 'I wish I'd done this' or 'If only I had done that'. What I want to leave here with is: 'wow! Look what God did! Look how amazingly He works things together for good! Look how He always provides! Look how He uses imperfect, faulty humans, and somehow brings about something good!' What I need to remember is that it is not about what I can do or how I can make a difference (there are an awful lot of 'I's in this blog post), but about what God can do, and how God can make a difference. For whatever reason, He simply chooses to use this broken, cracked vessel. 2 Corinthians 4:7 ^'But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.' (Read the whole chapter; it's all good!)

Any prayers would be much appreciated! Pray that I will be able to keep my head on straight and that I would do my jobs thoroughly and correctly. Pray that I would make every moment count. Pray that God would be glorified in everything, because it is all about Him! 

‎"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see." Corrie ten Boom

On This Day

On this day, May 26th, three years ago on a sunny morning in the mountains of Haiti, I said goodbye to the children and people who had become so special to me. Up until that point in my life (all 19 years of it) I had never experienced something so difficult! Before I left the Toddler House, all the kids had come into the yard to sing the 'Au Revoir' song for me. It was all I could do to keep it together, and i didn't do the greatest job of it. Not only did they sing for me, but they also all came up to me and either gave me a hug or a kiss on the cheek. It nearly broke my heart to say goodbye to the kids! Somehow, by the grace of God, I walked out that gate and hiked down the hill for the last time. I didn't know if or when I would ever be back, and it was hard to leave, even though I knew that the children did not 'need' me; they had wonderful caregivers who loved them and cared for them every day!


God used the experiences I had in the six and a half months prior to that day (and that days as well, I'm sure) to give me a sense of His heart and begin a work in mine. If I had not come to Haiti the first time in 2008, I would possibly not be where I am today (which is, ironically, in Haiti). But as always, God's plans are perfect, and He has a purpose in everything, whether it be to change, shape, encourage, even break us; but ultimately to draw us closer to Him. Romans 8:28 says  ^'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' That was three years ago.

Today on this day, I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a day at the beach with the awesome people who are my coworkers and friends, as well as the great group of volunteers we have right now. It was a great day of sunshine, beach, sand, salt water, pool, sunburn (even though i re-applied the sunscreen SO many times!), friendship, and celebrating birthdays and anniversaries. 

Over the course of the day, I didn't think much of it being an anniversary for me; I knew it was either today or tomorrow, but I couldn't remember for sure. I did, however, think about the fact that this could be the last opportunity I have to go to that beach. Because on the day after this day, in three months, I will be once again saying goodbye. Only this time it will be even harder because I have grown to know and love these people and the kids even more than I did the last time I left. I don't know when I will be back, although I'm sure I will be at some point, even if only to visit. I have no idea what God has in store for me after this year, but I do have the confidence that, as excruciating as it is going to be to leave, He is calling me back to Ontario for at least a time, whether it be a few months, a year, a couple years.... I am excited about the things that i know will happen after I go home, but I don't want these next three months to end; I wish they would pass slowly, but that isn't likely because each month seems to go faster and faster, and it is going to be a busy summer. I'll just have to take it a day at a time, invest myself in the people and children here, trust God to use me for His work and to give me the strength to do it, and remind myself that time is short so i need to cherish it. God has me here right now; this is His will for me at this moment, and I need to use every opportunity to do the work He has for me. 

"For I know the plans i have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Family Trip to Haiti

This month i had the great privilege of having my entire family in Haiti with me for two weeks. they arrived on Thursday, March 8th, and i met them at the airport to go with them to spend a few days out in the Miragoane area, which is along the coast. They arrived around 1:30 pm. There is nothing quite like seeing your family walk out of the airport with their bags behind them! It was such a good feeling to all be together, and it was particularly special because there will most likely never again be a time that we will be all together like that in a country other than Canada. My family is at a unique place in our lives where everyone can still come, and everyone will remember and treasure the experience.

We all piled (and I do mean piled) into the back of one of our 'cage' trucks, and Wadson took us to the Avis car rental lot. By 3:00 pm we had gotten our bags crammed into the back of the Toyota land cruiser that had 6 regular seats, and two bench seats on either side of the back of the car. It was a tight squeeze, but it wouldn't be an experience without at least one!

The drive through Carrefour was very slow and stop and go, with some of the craziest drivers on the road that I have seen in a very long time! It was a quick immersion into the driving style of the city for the rest of the family! We arrived in Baraka around 6:00 pm and met some people before going on to Deroncely where we were to stay for the next few days. It was dark by the time we arrived, and everyone was very tired after the long day (not so much on my end) of travelling. After supper, we all dispersed to our sleeping quarters: Jeremy and Austin, Judy and I to a guest house just a short distance from the house where our host family lives, (also where my parents, brother and i lived when they were in haiti in the late 1980's). The rest of the family stayed at the house. It was neat to be back in the house where I would have lived as a baby.

Friday morning was pretty leisurely, and by about 10:30 am we all piled back in the land cruiser and headed off in search of the beach my parents used to take us to. There is a new road in progress that goes around Miragoane and continues along the coast. It wasn't long before we found the beach. It was small, secluded, and was an area that curved in from the high rock walls. The water was refreshing and salty, and the rocks were covered in coral and fossils. it was a great time!

After eating sandwiches and snacks on the beach, we packed up again and headed back to Deronceley. We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting people and catching up and being introduced to mom and dad's old friends. I got to meet the lady who was considered my 'mama Ayitien' or 'Haitian mama' when I was little girl. It was pretty cool!

As dusk began to set in, we headed to the soccer field to watch the guys play with the young boys from the neighbourhood. It was fun!

After supper that evening, my 'papa Ayitien' came to visit for a while. It was eye opening to hear him talk about Haiti and his perspective on things going on here. He was a wonderful man, but he is elderly, and as my dad said, he's been waiting a long time for things to change, but there hasn't been a whole lot of noticeable change. At least not what he's been expecting. However, if there is one thing that i have learned, it is that Haitians are strong, resilient, and vibrant. They can bring about change, and they are the only ones who can do that for Haiti. i believe education is huge for that, and President Martelly is working hard to provide the opportunity for the Haitian children. I am confident that, given time and dedication, this endeavour will be successful.

Saturday was spent visiting more people in the town of Baraka. It was so interesting to see my parents meet their old friends again! We got bread baked fresh from a bakery where they had a stone oven. I remember having that bread the first time I came to Haiti as a teen and thinking how amazing it was! It was amazing again. So soft, warm, and tasty! The only thing that could have made it better is if I had had a little pat of President butter to slide into the middle and melt through it :-) Lunch was unexpectedly prepared for us by a sweet lady who happens to be one of the women i was named after. Lena made us some of the yummiest spaghetti I have ever had. It was nice to see her again and be able to speak to her in Creole this time. On my first trip to Haiti, many people told me that I needed to learn to speak Creole, so it was pretty cool to be able to see them again and be able to speak to them in their own language. After dinner that night, my haitian mama (mom's very good friend) and her husband and two children stopped in to visit and share dessert. it was special to spend more time with them. I jokingly asked Yolette if she would like to do my hair like she had one time when i was a little girl, and she took me up on it. It was fun to reminisce :-)

Sunday morning we attended the church in the village where we were staying. Apparently at that church it is expected that if you are visiting, you will sing a song. So before we headed to church, our family practiced a song to sing for them. We did one song in english, and mom, dad and I sang one in creole. It was pretty impromptu, but the congregation didn't seem to mind! In fact, i believe there is a slightly tinny version of our performance floating around that was recorded onto someone's cell phone. :-P I heard it playing faintly when I sat down again. It's a good thing we did our thing early in the service, because we were followed by a very talented group of young men who sang for the church. We couldn't have followed that up! lol.

After Sunday lunch, we said our goodbyes, packed up, packed in, and left the town that was (and continues to be) so special to my parents, waving goodbye to their friends. It was a great few days, but I was ready to get back up the mountain and back into my space and routine, and show my family the place that is so special to me.

We passed by the Notre Dame Cathedral and the National Palace on our way through Port au Prince, and when we got close to GLA, we stopped at Boutillier which is high above the city and lets you see the entire central plateau of Haiti.

Finally we entered the gate of the main house. After everyone got a little bit settled in their respective rooms, I gave everyone a tour, and their experience at GLA began.

It would take too long to tell you everything that we did and experienced. Most days were a typical work day, and they got to have a taste of what my life is like, what i do, and meet the people who are so special to me.

That Friday night we had a cookout at Ft. Jacques after the guys finished pouring the cement pad for one of the toddler pods. After eating, we took a quick walk to the actual Fort but didn't stay long, as drizzle started to fall.

Saturday we went out as a family to do some more sight seeing. We spent a few hours at the Baptist Haiti Mission, having lunch and shopping. After that we drove back up to Fort Jacques and walked to Fort Alexandre which is a fort that was never finished. It's overgrown and grassy, and has a wonderful view of the city. It was cool and breezy, and very cool to explore!

That evening we attended a cinema night at the Toddler House where we watched a movie with all the children in the yard watching it projected on a 'big screen'. It was great for my family to get a little bit of time to spend with the children there and see that aspect of my world.

Another highlight was when we went out to dinner to celebrate my older brother's birthday. It was nice to have some quiet family time and just be together! After eating yummy pizza and buying ice cream to eat with birthday cake, we made a quick stop at Boutillier again to see the city at night. It was so quiet, clear, and magical. I love looking at the city lights. I'm not as much a fan of actually being IN the city, but it is nice to look at it! :-)

Each evening while my family was here was spent taking a walk and/or playing a game. Daylight savings worked in our favour. It doesn't make as much sense for a country that is so close to the equator as it does in Canada, but it was great to have another hour of daylight to be able to take walks in the community!

Two weeks went by quickly, and it was extremely hard to say goodbye (i was a bit of a mess the whole morning before we left for the airport). I rode down to the airport with them in the back of one of the caged trucks. It was hard to say goodbye, but i knew that I was not ready to be leaving with them, so that made it a little easier. It was sad to think that the next time I see them all, my brother will nearly be getting married! However, I'm so thankful I got to spend time with him and his fiance during their engagement :-)

It was so refreshing and encouraging to have my family come to Haiti. It's good to know that when i talk about people and places, they will have more of an understanding of what i mean.

'Having someone to love is family,

Having somewhere to go is home,

Having both is a blessing. '

I am doubly blessed: I have the family and home that God chose to place me in before I was born, and I have the family and home God chose to place me in for this season of my life. I cannot imagine life without either of them. 

God is good!

I will need to post some pictures at a later date. I just really wanted to get this posted before it was just too late to bother! Goodness knows I've been terrible at blogging this year!

The Wonder of Winter

I just got back from two weeks spent at home for Christmas. Those two weeks were wonderful, beautiful, and refreshing. I am so blessed! To have a wonderful family, a loving church family, a friendly small town, and great friends is such a privilege. And to have wonderful friends and GLA Family to come back to after going home makes me doubly blessed! I think each time i go home i realize it more and more :-) I thought I'd share a little bit about my white christmas. 

i arrived home to not-too-cold, absolutely-no-snow weather. i walked out of the airport in a sweater and my flipflops! I was worried that there would be no snow for Christmas, but with the prayers many, including the nannies at GLA who told me they'd pray we got snow for Christmas, we did get a dusting of snow on Christmas Eve. There was just enough to cover the ground, and then on Christmas Day it snowed even more. 

There is something so magical about snowfall. It's quite amazing to think that before it drifts to blanket the earth, a tiny ice crystal forms around a particle of dirt and goes through a formation process, eventually becoming an intricate snowflake. i suppose it's a little like the way God forms us. He can take a simple, imperfect human being and refine and shape him or her into something beautiful. The process of refinement is not usually a pleasant or easy one, but through it we become stronger and purer. For a snowflake it doesn't take long to reach its completed state, but for people the process takes a lifetime - and even by then nobody's perfect. How much patience God must have!

 

The way in which it forms is not the only intriguing thing about snow. Have you ever stood in the middle of a wide open space blanketed in snow and just listened? The silence is beautiful. You can stand there while snow falls around you and feel like the only person in the world - just you and God. There's really nothing quite like it. 

The grey skies are beautiful. The biting cold that freezes eyebrows and makes cheeks sting is refreshing (in small doses), and it makes me feel so alive. There's just something about being surrounded both above and below by white and grey that makes the world seem to stretch out in un-ending vastness. 

Then there's the deep, cozy warmth of a wood-burning fire place that can't be imitated by gas or electric ones. I loved sitting by the fire and watching the glow of the red-hot ambers shift and dance to their private orchestra, or spending time with my family around the fire and simply being together. 

I do love winter, and i think that i appreciated and experienced it more deeply because i knew i wouldn't see much of it this year. If you read this and you have snow, go out and marvel at the wonder and beauty of winter. It takes this process of dying to make way for new, fresh growth. 

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, And do not return there without watering the earth And making it bear and sprout, And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire. And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. For you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap their hands. -Isaiah 55:10-12

so many reasons to be thankful

our tree

the collaboration of ideas. tres bel!

last week we celebrated American thanksgiving. one of the great things about living in a place where there are people from different countries is that we get to celebrate holidays, such as thanksgiving, more than once each year ;-) The morning started out rather crazy as we worked to get 23ish volunteers and team members to their respective occupations for the morning. once things settled down, the decorating began! the tree was set up and decorated with little lights and silver and red ornaments. paper chains were put together to hang around the dining area, garland was intertwined with lights and hung up the stair railing, and more garland and christmas balls were hung throughout the main floor. christmas music filled the house as we worked together to decorate. once the bulk of the decorations were in place, we started to get crafty and create more things with which to embellish the house. my personal favourite, mostly because i was doing it and it involved glitter, was painting pine cones and needles from Ft Jaques, and twigs from the yard, then sprinkling glitter all over them. i never knew i liked glitter so much! 

the stairs :-)

food was being prepared throughout the morning, and once i finished adding some bling to leaves and such, i did my best to pitch in. by 3:00 pm the meal was nearly ready, and food was laid out on the buffet table. 50 + people joined hands to pray before we filled plates and sat down to enjoy the thanksgiving meal. it was a very full and festive house! and the meal was excellent :-)

this time of year is a good time to be reminded of all the blessings we have. although we should always be thankful, i know that i, personally, can easily let myself get bogged down with concerns and worries. sometimes the most basic things like life itself escape my notice. life really is a beautiful thing. to be able to wake up each morning with a fresh day ahead with which to serve God is pretty amazing, as well as a big responsibility - one that i often don't take seriously enough. other times i have to remind myself just how amazing it is to be in the position i am. i'm in a beautiful country surrounded by vibrant people and wonderful friends. each day i have the opportunity to play, hug, and kiss babies. there is something very special about entering a room and having five (or more) little people run to you with big smiles, outstretched arms, and calling out 'na-na-neen!' (Emelyne). it's heartwarming, if not a little overwhelming, to sit on the floor and have a bunch of kids get as close to me as possible. it's amusing to watch their antics and the way the interact and 'talk' to each other. it's a pretty cool thing to be even a tiny part of what goes on in this large organization, and to play a small, albeit indirect, roll in the process of adoption. in the past year i have experienced more than i'd have imagined. when i first came to Haiti nearly four years ago, my life took an unexpected turn. ever since then it's been a bit of a crazy mountain road ride, never really knowing what lies around the next corner. it's not something i would trade for anything! 


so for now, i just want to be thankful for life, for the opportunity to be in this place, for the fact that Christmas is just around the corner, and that i'll be home to visit in three weeks. Yey! 

climb every mountain

A couple of weeks ago, a group of us hiked the mountain that lies across the riverbed from us. It was the hardest hike i have ever done (and i had hiked the same mountain my first trip to Haiti, but i didn't remember it being that difficult!). there were many times when i was afraid that i wouldn't make it to the top and that rather than me conquering the mountain, the mountain would conquer me. my fellow lag behinder and i made innumerable breather and photo taking breaks. we took lots of time to 'smell the roses' as they say, and then i made sure i got a few pictures of each one as well. this conveniently dragged out the rest period before we made ourselves move on ;-P we met some very nice people who live on the mountain and most likely make the trek we were making a regular part of their lives. we probably wouldn't have taken the opportunity to talk to them if we'd been extremely cardiovascularly fit. i can't say the number of times we asked 'did you see some other people come past here', or 'which way did the others go?' every time without fail, they gladly showed us. finally, after about 4 hours of intense upward climbing, we made it to our goal. what a sense of accomplishment! the view was awesome, the air was clear and cool, and THERE WAS GRASS! :-) the whole mountain was lush and green, with many fields being planted or growing crops. the soil was dark and rich with a deep red tinge. 

the hike down the mountain was pretty difficult, but not in the cardio kind of way, with many hairpin turns and craggy, steep paths. by the time we were on the last stretch to home, i was ready to hail a moto taxi, hop on the back, and ride the rest of the way home, which would have been a five minute drive. however, i told myself 'you just climbed that whole mountain; you can't give up when you're so close to the end!' 8 hours after leaving, we arrived back at the house very tired, extremely sweaty, stiff, soar, sunburned, and ready for a huge glass of icy water :-D 

Here are just a few of the photos i took while we hiked. Enjoy!

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"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  Matthew 6:28

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Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. Isaiah 40:4

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

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In You, O LORD, I put my trust;Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness.Bow down Your ear to me,Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name's sake, Lead me and guide me.

Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD.

Psalm 31:1-3, 24

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:14

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When your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. James 1:4

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You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11

So much to be thankful for!

**** This blog we written last night, but posted today, as i didn't get the photos attached last evening :) 

Turkey!

maple leaf embellished pie :-)

Happy Thanksgiving! it's been a wonderful day here in Haiti. it started with a cool, fall-ish morning with mostly cloudy skies, then a drizzly, rainy afternoon. And then, the highlight of the day, thanksgiving dinner! it was delicious, with turkey and all the trimmings :-) Before eating dinner, the non-canadian attendees decided that the Canadians should have to sing 'O Canada' before we prayed and started eating. We complied, and we rocked it! ;-D it was almost as good as the anthem before a hockey game; just not quite as loud. lol.


although i missed spending time with my family at home, i had a wonderful day with my GLA family. I'm so thankful for each and every one of them! 
God has blessed this place with a great group of people, and i'm so privileged  to know and share life here with them.
Just a few blessings i'm thankful for this year....
My wonderful, loving, supportive family back home.
My amazing, fun 'family' here in Haiti.

With Melissa, a fellow - Canadian co-worker. :-D

The opportunity to watch many children grow
up, change, and move on from GLA over the course of the past year.
To see Eglise D'Espoir grow and strengthen over the past year. I have been wonderful to see the hand of God working in and through the people there. it's exciting to see so many people seeking God and becoming godly leaders.

With some of our Canadian volunteers. You ladies are great!

God has proven Himself faithful over and over, time and time again. He has performed miracles, transformed lives, and shown Himself able to do anything. i, and each one who makes the choice to serve the One and Only, can be sure that He will always guide and provide. Life with our Saviour is an adventure unlike any other. it can be challenging and at times a little (or a lot) frightening, but i wouldn't have it any other way. 
it's an honour like no other to play even a small role in His great big story!
I am blessed beyond measure!

It's been a year!

It's been a year since i packed up my suitcases and bid my family farewell to go spend three months volunteering at GLA. at that point, all i knew was the next three months and from there on out it was up to God to make it clear. Well He did. I became staff and three months became six months, six months became a year, and a year became a year and a half. from there, i don't know. once again, that's in God's hands, and i know that in time He'll make it clear! :-)

in some ways, September 14th 2010 seems like so long ago. a lot has happened, i've learned a lot, i've grown a lot, and i've met a lot of incredible people. But most of all, God has never failed to show Himself faithful. it is such a privilege to be able to serve Him in this place that i love so much, and i am excited about what the future holds, not just in my life, but in the future of God's Littlest Angels, Eglise D'espoir, Thomassin 32, Petionville, and Haiti as a whole. there is so much potential in all these, and i am privileged to be witness to (and a little tiny part of) it! Sometimes i forget just how blessed i am.

there's a quote i love by one of my favourite fictional characters, Anne of Green Gables. She says:

'When I left Queen's [University] my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla. I wonder how the road beyond it goes--what there is of green glory and soft, checkered light and shadows--what new landscapes--what new beauties--what curves and hills and valleys further on." 'Anne of Green Gables' by L.M. Montgomery, Chapter XXXVIII

Sometimes my life feels a little like one of these mountain roads. when you've rounded one bend, you're bound to come upon another. The views around those bends can be absolutely breathtaking; each one is different than the last, but the anticipation of what may be beyond is quite thrilling. how awesome to have a Master Route Planner in charge! :-D

Thank you God for an incredible year!

Somewhere In The Middle

lately i have been challenged over and over to live a life of whole hearted abandon to Christ. to live as though the only thing that matters is loving and being loved by God. i recently finished a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan which basically reminds readers of how huge and worthy our God is, how small and really insignificant we are in comparison to the entire universe, and how God doesn't NEED us, but that He WANTS us, and wishes to use us to fulfill His plans and purposes. i highly recommend reading it! here is the website if you are interested in finding out more about it. http://crazylovebook.com/

As much as i wish i could say that i am at the point where i am totally sold out to God, i'm afraid i can't. i know that i'm still somewhere in the middle, and that deep end is, quite frankly, rather frightening. to come to the point of laying everything down - hopes, dreams, plans - and saying 'God, i want to do whatever You want me to do' (taking into consideration that this COULD mean leaving family, friends, and life as we knew it, and spending a lifetime living out in the middle of a jungle or a desert with no modern conveniences and no connection to the outside world, and possibly never returning home) and honestly be ok with it, is a huge thing. There's a great song by Casting Crowns that pretty much spells out the challenge. It's called 'Somewhere in The Middle'. my big thing is this: 'just how close can i get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?' to be brutally, completely honest, i struggle with telling God 'here i am; you can do whatever you want with me'. it's a prayer that i'm still a little afraid to pray, not because i don't want to or don't believe that His plans outshine my own by a million, but because i don't know what is going to become of it. it's a little like driving blindfolded and trusting that the person beside you is going to give you accurate directions. but then, God's supposed to be the one in the driver seat!

Somewhere in The Middle ~ Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DveYBno-pmQ

it's easy to be a fearless warrior when you never have to face a fear. it's not difficult to have faith that you won't drown when your feet can still touch the bottom and your head's above the water. faith to move a mountain is not hard if you've never had a mountain that needed to move. Christianity and living for God is not easy; it's not intended to be, and Jesus never promised that it would be. Living in this world and working for Christ pretty much guarantees that there will be fights and battles. it may mean having to stand up and fight for freedom of little girls who have been sold into sex slavery (http://www.ijm.org/). it may mean fighting to free boys and girls who have been forced to become child soldiers (http://www.child-soldiers.org/childsoldiers/child-soldiers). it may mean caring for orphaned children. it may mean raising children in a Christ centred home and teaching them to follow hard after God. it may, and really should, mean hand to hand combat with forces of hell. and after all that, we may never see results of our work this side of heaven. 

each of us has a different calling, a different gift, and a unique supporting role in this huge, amazing story that God is scripting. we are highly privileged to be a part of this story! although God never manifests His will in each life in the same way, we all have one thing in common; We are serving the same God; we have the same promise of eternity, forgiveness, peace that passes understanding, hope that makes no sense to the world, and confidence in our place in God's hand.

right now i feel a little like one of those soldiers standing at the gate of my safe picket fence, not sure if i'm quite ready to step outside. the Giver of the deepest, most sincere, most inexplainable love there is is standing outside the gate beckoning, encouraging, promising to be beside me...... i don't want to hold back because of fear! i challenge you to join me on this amazing journey of learning to trust and follow the One who loves us with the craziest of all loves. a love crazy enough to give up His one and only Son so that every person who ever walks this earth would have access to the greatest gift there could ever be; salvation. 

‎"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves. When our dreams come true because we dreamed too little. When we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, Lord."
-Sir Francis Drake